Often I feel like it’s a missionary's duty to complain. We don’t call it complaining but rather phrase our thoughts and attitudes as prayer requests, “just being honest”, or letting our partners see a “day in the life”. My wife, Linda, and I are constantly trying to figure out if we ourselves, and the missionary blogs and articles we read, are complaining or just being honest with our partners, as may be appropriate if they are truly our partners.
And in pursuit of full disclosure, here are two thoughts to consider before continuing. To the pure, all things are pure. While I’ve never determined if this adage finds its origin in the Bible, I believe it to be generally true. So whatever I find fault with, it is a reflection of my own heart. Secondly, I believe blogs are primarily used as a self-medicated form of therapy. Which means that the target audience of most blogs, no doubt including this post, is actually the author themselves.
There’s no denying that missionaries are extremely discretionary in sharing about the pleasures of life. It’s far more rare to read of fun excursions, vacations, beach trips, and that new hammock we bought then it is to hear of the struggles, cultural oddities, language blunders, and isolation challenges. Did I tell you we vacationed at one of the world’s most beautiful beaches last week? Didn’t think so. Did I tell you we spend 8 hours walking every week? Of course I did. Did I tell you that sometimes we can't understand our 5 year old’s homework assignments? Yes again. There’s an imbalance.
Linda & I have been trying to figure out why we, and most of the missionaries we know, are so unbalanced in how we share life with you. Of course, at face value, it’s as simple as, “People need to see that we’re working hard, not goofing off, and that our partners' money is a good investment.” But I know many people (missionaries or not) whose jobs require much time, effort, and stress and are difficult, but no one would deny them a vacation or buying a comfortable chair to sit in on the weekends. Furthermore, times of rest, entertainment, and pleasure are essential to any human’s fruitful longevity. So I really don’t buy what appears, initially, as an easy answer.
My thoughts on why the disproportionate telling of pleasure and struggle in a missionary's life: The first and most obvious, but dare I say, least important, is a fear of what our partners think. And if we really want to be honest with them, we would admit that life is more than just struggles.
To benefit from rest, comfort, or pleasure, we need to choose it. However, almost every time I’m faced with the choice, I choose “self denial”. It’s not really denial, because the other side of the coin is that I’m choosing to feed my pride, as you’ll see in a moment. I’m learning that to deny myself appropriate times of rest and relaxation makes as much sense as choosing to sin so that I get more of God’s grace. Breaks from work and the daily struggles of life are God’s gift to us and are to be used to increase our effectivenes in the rest of life. But wait, what about all the missionaries I’ve read about who suffered through their whole life and ministry, facing every difficulty imaginable, up to martyrdom? How can I enjoy any good thing in this life knowing that those who went before me suffered so much?
But here’s where I draw a distinction. God may bring me to a period, or even life, of suffering and I will accept it. My knowledge of God and His Word teach me that He will give grace for every bit of suffering to which He leads me (2 Cor. 12:9). But if I choose to deny myself rest, comfort, and pleasure thinking that I’m forcing God to give me more grace to endure, I’m afraid I’m not far from violating Rom. 6:1, sinning so that grace may increase. Add to that my responsibility of protecting and caring for my family and I’m pretty sure the violation is direct, a sin.
Before I am accused as a hedonist (but not in the John Piper sense), there needs to be an understanding and theology of rest. Our bodies and minds have limits. When I was working as a flight instructor, occasionally my students would have to wait while I ate a snack before our flight lesson. I would remind them that just as I would not fly with low fuel in the airplane, nor would I fly with low fuel in my body. My little granola bar took priority over efficiency and even over the dollars they spent for my time because in the end, I knew they were getting the best deal by waiting a few minutes for me to eat a snack. Times, and even seasons, of rest, comfort, and pleasure are a necessary tool to recuperate and remain effective. Again, to balance this, I've heard missionaries say, “hey, whatever it takes to keep you on the field for the long term…”. If that was the greatest good, give me a mansion, a couple of nice cars, and a swimming pool and I assure you I’ll be here for the long term.
Finally, the other reason I believe missionaries are so reluctant to share the pleasures of life is a good one, but not when it’s taken to an extreme. I think of it as the financial lowest common denominator of partners. We have partners who are wealthy, and partners who have very little in this life. We are humbled by the realization that God calls people to give us $10 a month, when they can’t afford a car, house repairs, or a simple vacation. How can I share a picture of me swinging in my hammock on a beach in light of this? The result is that I end up feeling guilty for every comfort or pleasure that my “poorest” partner can’t afford. That is the road, even the fast lane, to a quick and premature burn-out as a missionary. Absolutely, discretion is necessary in how we communicate but that doesn’t mean our most comfortable chair has to be the least comfortable chair from among our partners.
What to do now? Facebook still hasn’t seen our vacation pictures and I will continue to share our struggles and prayer requests with our partners via our newsletter. I can’t expect my spartan tendencies to be the norm for others and should investigate the reasons behind my own, as pride may be the root. As I get to know other missionaries, I should keep them accountable to having times of rest, comfort, and pleasure.
As for communication to my partners, I need to be honest more than balanced. Being balanced is for birds and airplanes. Sometimes life is easy, and sometimes it’s hard and to present life as balanced is rarely honest. Order your life based on principle, let your principles dictate your priorities, and I assure you a good, unbalanced life that is pleasing to God, genuine, and fruitful.
